Lately it's been tough, getting up, getting through, pressing on, living and loving and learning. Most days are tough to get through because my own mind plays tricks on me, and because my creativity has gone up in smoke since I'm too drained to cope. I went off Zoloft, was fine for 3 weeks, and then relapsed, MAJOR. So I'm 22 lbs lighter, but more anxious than ever.
Figures.
Nothing is better than sitting with friends, laughing in the darkness lit only by candles, drinking heavy red wine and sharing your inadequacies. Those are the friends who build you back up when you tear yourself down, that re-inspire you and re-instate your ambition and desire for laughter and love. Being uninspired is tricky. It hurts the heart, and the soul, and it leaves you empty. You feel used up. So I try to surround myself with the people who have an aura of inspiration; that's not to say that aura's are or aren't real, but people with a creative energy are compelled to each other. It's a fact.
People've gotten nastier, meaner. It's not ok to laugh at someone else's misfortune. It's not ok to say something that tears another down, just for the sake of tearing them down. It's not ok to point out the sawdust in your brother or sister's eye when you have a plank in your own. I'm completely unimpressed with the way we treat each other. It's ridiculous. Of course, I'm to blame for this unimpressive behaviour, as well, but I try my best to speak with good judgement and to love as I wish to be loved.I don't know if it pays off, but maybe I'll make a difference somewhere down the line.
This rambling is unnecessary, but it's truth hidden under cobwebs; life's been cold lately. Work's rough - I'm out of classes to teach until fall, and I'm making next to nothing in the salon. School's rougher - full time with no pay, how do you like that? Family's ok, but something's got to give. Friends? What friends? Who has time for friends, outside of texting and facebook? I certainly try and make time, as we all do, but the truth is I'd rather curl up on my bed and watch TV after a full 9 hour workday and working out and work at the YMCA than go out. How do I reinspire myself, refuel the embers that are burning out? What can I do? I have nothing to paint, nothing to write, nothing to sing.
Completely uninspired. Completely unimpressed. Completely unnecessary.
Finne.
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